we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize