she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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