bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
