This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
