worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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