hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
