Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
