I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
