I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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