Michael Bay diarrhea
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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