She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
