Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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