That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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