I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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