he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
