high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
