Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
