There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
