I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
