He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize