Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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