I am spending my child support on dildos
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
