I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
