He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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