ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
