so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
