it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
