You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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