why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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