WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
