can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
