whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
there is glitter all over my balls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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