every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
