I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
