a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
