Yo dont text me then not text me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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