Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
