'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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