allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
