My brain says no but my pants say off.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
