I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
