just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
