I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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