I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
