i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
