Me. At least after what I've been through.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
