I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
