Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
