Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
