oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
