Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
