You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
