I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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