we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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