R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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