great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
