we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
