feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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