you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize