Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
