no, he came in my armpit
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
