I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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