just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
