Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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