someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
