Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
