I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
