Jerry, you need to find god
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
