Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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