i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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