So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
