How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
time to smoke my breakfast
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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