Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
