sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
